Adventures in Dating Land

Archive for February 2009

So, the drama continues. I finally decide to take my dilemma to the streets: I asked my longtime friend Specs to analyze the dilemma between me and Blondie.

Specs has a rep for being a bit of a player, and a general idiot savant with women, so I figured he could shed some light on this topic for me. I copied and pasted a selected portion of the conversation below, for entertainment value and to also provide some educational information for those going through a similar sitch.

So at this point in the convo, I’v explained the situation to him, and basically asked for his help in deciphering it. Specs has thus since said that I wasn’t clear enough in my text message, asking him to “hang out” and that I should try again.

Me-So basically I should be like “ummm so are we going out or what’s the deal?”
Specs- Don’t be too confrontational, I get the vibe that he is easy to spook. You know how i’d ask him? Call him up, get in a conversation (a flirty one), and then ask him when you are going on that date. Not bitchy, but playfully cocky. Get in the mindset that you know he wants the date, you just have to provide the spark for it to happen. But trust me, if you ask him like i’m thinking, you’ll get your date.
Me- I don’t know. Like he expressly said he doesn’t like pushy or needy girls, and i’m afraid i’m going to come off like that.
Specs- That’s the beauty of asking him playfully.
Me- Ugggh. I hate that though. It sounds like such an effing game.
Specs- Thats what dating is.
Me- I just want this: I like you. You like me. We’re going to be together now. Hurray and cookies.
Specs– If only it was that easy. But seriously, trust my advice. Guys don’t like pushy, but guys do like girls who are aggressive, or aren’t afraid to get what they want
Me- Well that’s a seriously fine line, though. Kind of hard to tell when it’s being crossed.
Specs- Not as fine as you’d think. iIts pushy if you ask him a lot, or demand the next date. And its clear that if he is checking your profile, that he is still interested. You just need to make him think he is pursuing you, do what i call the “push pull’: give him a lot of attention (what you have done) then simply disappear for a week. If it works, then he will go into a sort of withdrawal.
Me- What, like i should disappear now?
Specs- Give him a call, and then, if he doesn’t answer, stop calling for a week or so. If it works, then he will call you, and you will be the one deciding if you are going to go on a date or not.
Me- What if he would call me in that time?
Specs- If he calls you in that gap, answer, because what you have done is you made him realize that he likes your attention, and then he realizes he wants it, and he calls you probably subconciously.
Me- So do i ignore him for a week then after that?
Specs- If he doesn’t answer, yes. You wait for him to get in touch with you
Me- No, if he DOES answer. Do i set up a date and then ignore him after the date?
Specs- If he DOES answer, you play the flirty, when are you going to ask me out, card, and then proceed to pay attention to him. If he DOESNT answer, lay off for a bit, and try to make him come to you.
Me- I feel like that’s what i was already doing with the generic text.
Specs- Even a generic text is still attention.
Me- Right, that’s what i mean. I thought me sending that text on sunday and then not calling or texting him at all since then was him supposed to be coming to me.
Specs- Whats it been, like 2 days? Trust me, 2 days is not a lot of time
Me- So i should now not call him? And just wait for him to respond to the text?
Specs- I say no, but you can try. Just stick to the week and a half thing if you decide to call him tomorrow or not.
Me- Ugh, well this is confusing, cause now it sounds like you’re saying that my text was definitive enough to be an ask out, when you didn’t say that before
Specs- No no, I’m not even talking about that anymore. I dont care if the last thing you told him was “i love tatter tots!” It doesn’ matter, you’ve just been clawing for his attention, so you need to make him want the attention again. Right now you are too invested, take a week, and try to think from his point of view

Does anyone agree with this line of male thinking? Think it’s way off? I need thoughts and further perspective.

I am just letting this lie for now. Frankly I’m just tired of this cat and mouse game, whether conscious or not, that Blondie’s playing at. If he calls he calls, but I’m not going to keep freaking out over him, if he’s so lame he can’t even return a simple text.

HOWEVER. Shocking new development, soon after we got off the Blondie convo.

Specs- You know what? I think you and i should go on a date.

We then proceeded to have a five minute debate over the idea that dating could ruin our friendship. And then….

Specs- Roxy, i’ll be honest with you, you intrigue me, and i’d like to go on a date with you, that’s where i am going to leave it. no wondering where i stand, no frustrating games (which i am very good at), nothing. you know where i stand, and its up to you.

So I’ve decided to give it a shot. We’re going out next Wednesday. I know, I know, PROBABLY a bad idea. But I’m keeping myself open. Besides, if I don’t give it a shot, what else am I going to blog about on my DATING blog? -.-

I woke up this morning (late) for class, so I didn’t have time to shower. Ugh. Don’t you hate that feeling? My hair doesn’t look too bad today, though, and I’m wearing an adorable dress…in case you wanted to know.

Not a lot to report today, sadly. I worked on some design stuff for our newsletter at work, which was pretty cool. BUT my boss also cut my hours, which is pretty depressing. I’m thinking of opening up a freelancing PR/Articles site, and looking for a 2nd job. If only the economy/my schedule didn’t suck right now…

One tidbit of news regarding Blondie. I met this guy on a dating site (I know, sounds fishy, but they’re getting more and more legit, and with the amount of cyber stalking you can do nowadays, it’s pretty easy to find out if they’re creepers before you meet them). So on this site, (OkCupid, which I HIGHLY suggest…it’s fun and there’s boredom busting tests which are pretty entertaining) there is a feature which you can rate someone out of five stars on looks and personality. There is also a feature to see who has looked at your profile.

Where am I going with this? Apparently Blondie has looked at my profile three times in the past week, and I recently got a message that he just TODAY gave me 5 stars on looks or personality.

So. Two things.

1. Obviously my drunken dialing and bad behavior didn’t phase him too much, if he’s still bothering to gaze at my profile, AND to rate me within the past DAY very highly.

2. We’ve talked on the phone. We’ve met for coffee. So WHY exactly is this guy spending so much time drooling over Cyber Me, when he can pick up the damn phone and fawn over REAL me?

Boys are confusing.

So. The gossip round the Roxy bend is THIS.

I got a text message from Will a few hours ago. For those of you that don’t know (and nobody should because this cat is old news; we’re talking Lindsay Lohan crotchvision news) this is my ex-disaster. Known him since we were tots in the sandbox, and we were on and off through high school and up until last year, when the creep literally turned creepy. Apparently he is a schizophrenic, sociopathic borderline personality. Clinically. And dear lord, did that explain a lot.

Short story long (which I won’t go into) we are so done. And the creep had the nerve to text me, wanting some entirely random information for a “paper” that he could have easily gotten from Google. He asked me to call him. Out of curiosity alone, I do it.

I ask him what he needs, answer his questions, and hang up. I know exactly why he called. Like I said before, it would have been a snap for him to do the research himself, rather than risk fury ten times greater than hell. He wanted to talk to me. More importantly, he wanted me to WANT to talk to him…probably to fulfill some psychotic desire for him to reject me again. Thankfully I didn’t give him the satisfaction. Just gave him what he “needed” and I was gone.

In other news, still haven’t heard from Blondie. Apparently he’s been cyber stalking me, though, which I still don’t know what to think of. I’m very curious to see if he’ll call me tonight.

And in general blogging news, I’ve decided to entertain the masses with a video blog! This will be up and running as soon as I can secure a legit enough costume to conceal my appearance, while not going all “V for Vendetta” on you with the Faux mask. This blog will be lighter than my entries, and more about the general humor behind dating. I’ll try to post a new one every week, so stay tuned, and in the meantime keep up with me and my adventures!

Finally….a shout out goes out to Nick, whose mom passed away this past weekend. May she rest in peace, and please keep him and his family in your prayers.

Didn’t go to class today, due to some serious aches and pains, and a shiny new cold sore that’s taken residence on my lip. I went to work, since I had skipped last Friday to go see my friend, but I could miss one more of this class and still be “okay.”

I FINALLY heard back from Blondie….well, sort of.

Me (via text): Hey, I have NO idea what I said to you the other night, but I’m really sorry and really embarassed. That is not me at all, and I don’t want you to have the wrong idea that I’m just some crazy party girl.

Blondie (vt): Hey, don’t sweat it, I don’t think that. I was going to text you earlier, but this week’s been rough and it’s still going.

Me: Oh, ok. Yeah, same. I have a huge bruise on my knee from where I fell Saturday, kinda painful. I hope your week gets better.

Blondie: Thanks, hope your bruise heals up!

I was going to leave it at that, but of course my curiosity got the better of me..so half an hour later…

Me: Hey, so when your schedule takes a breather, you want to hang out again? You still owe me that sushi. (Sushi was from a previous conversation we had.)

And nothing. I’m still waiting. I don’t get him. If he REALLY wasn’t interested in me, he just wouldn’t talk to me. But interest implies, you know, talking. Not sporatic texts. I’m getting the feeling that he’s more not interested than interested. I’m trying not to be pushy, especially if it has been a busy week, and maybe I’m overanalyzing. Maybe I’m just too used to getting the brush off to experience a guy doing anything else to me. It was practically a miracle to me when my last boyfriend, who was this GORGEOUS Irish guy, actually was interested. Of course he still was a letdown…but a second date seemed like a divine providence.

Maybe that’s my problem. Or one of them. I think that if a guy does call me back to go out again, we must be falling in love. Second dates don’t always equal meant to be.

It’s just that when there’s chemistry, it seems like it is meant to be. And Blondie and I had a great chemistry. But is chemistry enough? It’s enough for us as women, I think…but is it enough for men?

So I think I’ve completely screwed things up with the new boy. We’ll call him Blondie. Things were going really well for the past week. We were talking, getting to know each other, and had a successful coffee date.

But then, of course, I went to visit my best friend for her 21st. And one too many tequilas had me completely blacked out, and feeling very talkative. Amidst about ten completely incoherent drunk texts, I called him at about four in the morning. What’s worse is I have no idea what I said. For all I know I’ve professed my undying love to a guy I’ve only known for a week. I texted him this morning and apologized, but he hasn’t answered me back, which is not generally a good sign.

I’m pretty bummed, because even though I didn’t know him well, he was a guy I was really digging, and could have seen it going somewhere.

I think it’s even worse to have all these almosts and not quites with dating, rather than just having no one around for a long time. Even if it only lasts a couple of dates, your heart breaks a little when it doesn’t work out.

The weekend didn’t turn out so great anyway. I apparently fell a LOT while we were at this club, and now have two enormous bruises on my legs and a generally sore body to show for it, plus an enormous hangover.

Hurray for me messing up my life…as usual. WHY is it that people don’t just take other people’s cell phones away from them when they drink too much? Would have saved me a lot of extreme embarassment today, and Blondie would not be blowing me off.

He’s just not that into you.

Or at least that’s what we all learned from the movie, of the same name, which just recently released. It’s a brilliant (and simple) notion. Straight and to the point. Because if he’s just not that into you, you move on to someone that is. At least, that’s how they play it in the movie.

In real life, however, not so easy.

Because what if “he” is a guy that you REALLY like? That you find a connection with? That you meet and start having Prince Charming fantasies? And your knight, that you feel like it’s taken you forever and a day to find, can’t find time from all his busy dragon slaying to pick up the damn phone?

If so, the feelings are a little different.

Because then the detached feelings of independence and moving on frost over, and feelings of loneliness, rejection, and bitterness set in. You gain five pounds with Ben and Jerry’s and chicken wings.

It’s easy when the person is nothing special. Easy when the date was no magical moment of destiny. But when you feel those sparks, and the other doesn’t, it’s not as simple as accepting that he’s just not into you.

Anyone else have these feelings lately? Because I have been staring at my phone for the last three days in mortal agony, willing it to ring. And whenever it does, and it’s NOT Mr. Charming, I have no interest in talking to this alternative person. All I can think about is what I’ve done wrong to deserve this technological silent treatment.

We had a great first date. We spent two nights in a row talking for five hours straight. The first date was short, coffee. But I feel like it went well. We had great chemistry, and enough in common to make us compatible, but not quite enough to allow for excitement.

There should be some kind of unspoken dating rule that a guy MUST call you to at least tell you he has no interest in seeing you again, so you are at least not wasting your life waiting on someone to call who never will.

And the worst part is when you absolutely CANNOT call him, because maybe you already have texted and left a voicemail, and anything additional would look like stalking. Most everyone is allotted one call and text, and that’s the cutoff. Anymore and you’re Glenn Close from “Fatal Attraction.” Which segues us into a whole other conversation about what IS and is NOT stalking. But another time.

For now, we deal with the problem of the phone call. And unless there is some kind of body switcher technology, or some fascist woman dictator takes over the country and passes a decree to ban such ambiguity, we women all will live in this nightmare.

Thankfully, sex dreams and vibrators are still around to satisfy.

February 14th. The dreaded holiday for 41% of unwedded Americans aged 18 and older. All day, we are surrounded by boxes of chocolates, roses, and heart shaped trinkets…yet not a one of these is coming our way.

Even if we escape to the confines of our home, we are not safe. Television commercials of diamond jewelery and flower stores parade across our eyes, tormenting our psyches.

There is nowhere to turn until the blessed February 15th, when the madness ends.

Who thought UP this holiday, anyway? I did a little researching, just to track down the madman who founded this nightmare of pink and red. There’s a very good description that I found from the Vancouver Sun here: http://www2.canada.com/vancouversun/news/editorial/story.html?id=5574aadc-f81d-4462-930d-c89570f021b6.

It appears that the history of this “joyous” celebration of romanticism is actually riddled with violence and gore, or at least the Christian tradition goes. The Pagan version is filled with pornography and, well, paganism. Certainly a good read for anyone feeling bitter about the Hallmark debauchery of this once brutal and vicious day.

But even if you’re dating someone, (I imagine) it would still be an uncomfortable holiday. In my past experience of celebrating Valentine’s, I always felt uncomfortable talking to friends about my plans when they were single. Knowing what it felt like to have someone unconsciously rub their happy coupledom in your face, I never wanted to parade my own bliss around. Which is exactly what this day celebrates. It’s a more mature version of “nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah” when it comes to being in a relationship.

While I sit on the single side of the fence, many of my friends do not. And while they’re off doing various displays of coupled affections, I do wish them well. However, I can wish all the complete strangers on my path to be struck by lightning.

So, for all you single people out there, like myself, have a drink, blast “Love Stinks” on your radio, and just remember, only seven more hours until it’s all over. For this year, anyways.