Adventures in Dating Land

Archive for September 2008

My inbox is full.

This is one of the main reasons that I love the start of school. You start to feel a part of the world again. Summer floats by in a haze of late nights and good memories, but at the end it almost feels like a dream. Being back in the real world is exhausting and frustrating, but it also gives a sense of purpose. You set goals, draw up schedules, plan to accomplish and try new things.

It’s already Thursday and I’m completely spent.

I think most of it has to do with not feeling well. It’s not really a full blown sickness, but just enough to make me feel crappy all day and too exhausted to sleep at night so it’s even worse the next day. I’m looking forward to the blissful sleeping in of the coveted Saturday morning approaching. What’s worse is that I can’t change my schedule if I wanted to; my work week is ironclad and I need the money badly, so I can’t cut hours. And right after that is school. I’m getting up at 6 every day and not going home until 6 or 7, even later if I have some kind of social thing afterward.

But I sound like I’m complaining. Once I’m no longer sick, it won’t be so bad. Even fun. I like my class schedule and I like my plans and goals. And I like having an inbox full of e-mails to go to and respond to. It finally gives me something to do after a whole summer of going line dancing and watching Buffy.

I will, on an unrelated topic, say something that is currently bugging the crap out of me. Well, two things. Make it three.

First being the state of our nation’s economy. I think the expression “are you kidding me” doesn’t even begin to cover it. I finally got a full understanding of just how exactly the two biggest mortgage companies in the world more or less imploded while I was in my Poli Sci class yesterday. It’s some pretty jaw dropping stuff. But these people are supposed to be the brightest in the nation. Obviously they’ve got to be worthy candidates somehow, to be put in charge of thousands of loans and mortgages. Wasn’t there ONE point in the past TWO decades where somebody hit the brakes and said “Hey, guys, ummm we probably should just get rid of these loans before they go any higher. This has the potential to do some really bad stuff if we’re getting all these companies to invest in these crap loans.” NO ONE?! What the crap are they doing up there in New York that would keep them from realizing the potential economic blackhole they were sucking our nation into?

And another thing. I’m pretty sick of hearing that George W. is the one who is RESPONSIBLE for this economic crisis. I’m not the biggest fan of Bush, don’t get me wrong. But this crisis the financial, economical, AND political result of over TWENTY years of faulty loans from loan sellers. This cycle has been going on forever, under both Republican and Democratic rule. So just because you don’t like Bush, don’t tack yet another failure on to him when this is not his cross to bear, but the people over at Fannie and Freddie.

And for that matter, where does Obama’s campaign and the liberal media (cough MSNBC cough) get off accusing McCain of withdrawing from the first debate some kind of political stunt? I assume the angle taken is that he’s going for the “look how much I care, I’m such a nice guy who’s so concerned about our nation” approach. Here’s my question…so what if he is? I just about broke the television when I heard Obama say that “a presidential debate is what we really need right now.” As far as I’m concerned, what we REALLY need right now is a strategy that will keep my parents and my own retirement funds safe, help me and my kids’ finish college and not be living in Hoovervilles in the next ten years. I really don’t need to hear you call Sarah Palin a pig again, Barack. I need you to get your butt in Congress and start taking some action…you know, like the kind you have thus far failed to take at ALL during your entire RUN of congress? Mostly because you’ve been done…what? Campaigning for president the entire time?

A TRULY worthy candidate for president would care more about the state of the nation’s affairs than winning a popularity contest. McCain’s views on the energy crisis, civil unions and the war are something I’m not entirely in agreement with, but I do have respect for a man who will intentionally jepordize his election into office because he is aware that there is more at stake in this country than the election.

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The insanity appears to be kicking in. I’ve been stuck at home for two weeks. And school doesn’t start until the 24th. Dear lord.

Thankfully, a road trip to see Robin at school on Friday will be a fun little break from the madness. A little fun, a little craziness…possibly a brawl with a sorority girl or two. Just what I need.

For those of you on the edge of your seats regarding my romantic life…get out the pitchforks and the copies of Cosmo. The boy has left the building.

Every passing day I grow a little more aggravated with my living situation… even more so that I realize that it’s my own fault I’m in it in the first place. I have a plan though, a very good one…if I can just survive for six more months.

I must say I will be very happy to have something else to do with my time than sulk and watch reruns of Buffy (not that I ever get tired of the Buffster, of course.) I’ve tried to write…but I’m not so much in the mood to write, except for a few blurbs in the more depressing or angry scenes. Unfortunately, I think one really has to be in the right frame of mind to write, and I’m just not there right now.

One bit of good news: I’m thinking of a new tattoo. I’ve been toying around with the idea of white ink- very faint, so it would look more like a scar than a tat. But I’m playing around with some kind of cross on my wrist, and possibly incorporating a word or phrase in there somewhere. It’d be the only obviously visible tattoo I have, and for obvious reasons. Of course, IF I get it, it’ll probably be at least a year or two in the making, I’ve got to firm down the design and then sit with it for a while to make sure the idea sticks. But it is something to think about for the future.

This is just a random thoughts entry…my thoughts are a bit too focused on a bit too personal of topics for me to get specific. I will say, however, that I truly wish adults would just be honest with their kids about what life is really like, instead of building up this elaborate fantasy world that comes crashing down the moment you step into adulthood. And good night.

I was on vacation in Egg Harbour, Wisconsin with my family for the past week. If you’ve never been there, it’s a small village on the peninsula, only about 250 people boasted in the population. Very quaint, lots of good shopping and adequate dining (superior if you enjoy cheese and cherries.) I spent most of the week wandering the towns with my family, horseback riding, bicycling, and reading. And thinking. I’ve had quite a lot on my mind the past couple of weeks, and this week wasn’t exactly the relaxing escape from reality that a vacation is supposed to be. Of course, that made the trek back to Columbus that much harder.

In my week away from reality (per se), McCain elected Governor Palin as his VP candidate, a move of which I am very pleased with, and will make me even more saddened should they lose the election. The little I know of Palin, I admire and respect, and she may well be on the way to becoming one of my “idols,” so to speak, of the world. Also, the news of impending doom of Gustav and all that…I didn’t have internet up in the cabin, and the cable TV was on the fritz, so I really felt out of the loop of life and times…no New York Times to speak of, only the occasional headlines from Fox News and the Colbert Report. Apparently Casey Anthony is also a big crazy person? Who didn’t get that memo?

In my quest to escape my own mind, I polished off three and a half books: Breaking Dawn (Stephenie Meyer), Mirror Mirror (Gregory Maguire), All the Sad Young Literary Men (Keith Gessen), and am in the process of reading The Enchantress of Florence (Salman Rushdie). I was taken with each of these books, but Gessen’s work was one that struck a realistic chord in my gut that I didn’t necessarily wish to be reminded of.

His book accounts three recent college graduates, all affiliated with either Jewish or Russian heritage, all struggling with the slipperiness of their youth and the mistakes they are making in their lives and relationships. Though I’m in no relation to the Jewish or Russian side, and a couple of years from my loss of youth, I’m already feeling the burden. And the loss and pain of relationships…well that was something I felt from my very first major breakup, at seventeen.

One scene in which I felt a particular wrench in my side was that of the character Mark, of whom I liked the least (perhaps because I saw too much of myself in him). There comes a point when he is dating two women at once, and decides that he must leave one of them. The one he chooses to leave he also reasons, in his mind, that she is the one more suited for him. She is closer to his age, and they are closer, and more in tune with their paths and needs to each other. But he leaves her, for reasons not clearly portrayed. And there comes a moment when he realizes that every failed relationship leaves one with a piece of themselves separate, that the departed has taken with them. And that really, all the adult human race has become are blocks of meat and flesh hobbling around with one another, grappling at the remains of those they have torn and become forever bound. With every heartbreak, we break a piece of ourselves and give it eternally to the one that broke our heart, or whose heart we broke.

So how, then, can we ever expect to give ourselves to someone completely and honestly? To have true, passionate, unbarred love for another person? Is it possible? Have we made ourselves incapable of completeness, of satisfaction, in our own fruitless endeavors? Are these the consequences we reap from our failed relationships; the incapacity to ever hold on to a successful one?

In my impending dread at the loss of yet another piece of myself, I can’t help but dwell here, in these thoughts. The most popular fear among Americans statistically is being alone. And we all are, essentially. We have constructed islands within ourselves, to which we only have access to, and because of our loss of limb or appendage, can never fully grant access to another person. But in a way, we are not alone in the fact that we are all alone. And in a strange, warped sense, this could possibly be the thing that could heal our severed wounds.